WHO I AM AT THIS AGE

No longer a child, I woke up this morning, staring at my ceiling, excited for twenty.
Although it's now late into the night, and my birthday will be over in just moments, I decided to give you the choice more or less to see just what has been going on in this now adult brain of mine.
Before I knew it was even happening, I grew up. Though most of the time I feel like I'm still that awkward sixteen year old, whose really giddy most of the time over little things like what I'm eating for lunch, or a new piece of poetry I just read, and blushing over the simplest of compliments.
At twenty, I have fallen in and out of infatuation, which I so wished was love more times than I can count.
I have built up the nerve to just get up and leave when I feel like my stay is over, which is heart wrenching because at twenty, I can tell that Utah will only be home for a little while longer.
At twenty, my solution to every answer seems to be, "drink more water,"or ,"lets eat pizza" and seemingly always it results to, "I should just call mom"
When I say something I feel is unclever, or just tangled in it's own thread of nouns and verbs I blame it on my lack of sleep, no matter if lack of sleep is really the issue or not.
At twenty I have bad habits, I have good habits, I have great habits.
Certainly at twenty I am guarded, afraid to let my walls down, yet I find myself so eager to find someone I can be open with, but consistently keeping my distance afraid of getting hurt. I suppose at twenty the previous sentence would lead you to think I can be a bit of a contradiction sometimes.
At twenty I have realized the only people you can count on other than yourself is your family, and an occasional rare best friend, which thankfully I've been blessed with both of those.
I've accomplished much, but not enough. Twenty is just a marker, hypothetically speaking, to see how much I can do in the next ten years of my life.
I've been speaking as though twenty was a destination, but twenty is really just a sign along the path, and the years that I've been on the journey of personal improvement, and living.
I am twenty in every way possible.
I am a lover of all happy things and the inbetweens, I am a woman driven by unbridled passion with the  hopes of becoming great, with the hopes of being great. I'm quick to state my opinions, and slow to state my emotions. I'm ready to explore every inch of the world, still working a waitressing job so I can someday soon fund those extravagant adventures. Adventures which I have had planned since my grandma sent me home with my first stack of National Geographic magazines which I'm sure were out dated, as they had worn pages and faded photographs. That was about the same time I wanted to become a photographer, and started my begging and pleading for a camera of my own.
Frankly I laugh too much, and I enjoy a nice big glass of tea while having the sun beat on my tan skin; standing on my balcony looking at the distant mountains. As for what I expect in someone? I expect the best. I look for the best. I am not ordinary, I won't settle for mediocre, I've known that since I was five. I always felt special, and different, and I'm going to hold onto that little inkling of important knowledge until I die. I dislike when things are over generalized, I like depth, meaning, and detail. I am an artist. My life is surely my greatest masterpiece in progress, not to be gawked at from the onlookers, but to feel the ever soul deep, sense of completeness and worth in no ones eyes but my own.
If you read through this all, you must have been curious. I think thats why at twenty I've held onto writing for so long, because it gives a peek into the turning wheels of our heart wants, and what we feel. Curiously drawn to those most precious thoughts that someone else took the time to write down, and let you see into. At twenty there's so much to write about that I haven't gotten the room to write it all down for you to read.
At twenty I live a life I couldn't love more, and I guess for now that's all that really matters to me.