CALLED TO SERVE

Well wouldn't you know, after 12 long weeks of anticipation my mission call came in the mail the weekend that I decided to go out of town with my family. I really think God has a sense of humor, you know?
I've always struggled with patience, patience in my Heavenly Father's timing, and patience in my own progression. I didn't always want to serve a mission, that wasn't in "my plan" but time and time again God quietly, kindly, and gently reminds me that His plan for me was divinely created, is divinely created, it's perfect, and I merely need to be patient, and trust in Him, because He is patient with me and He does indeed trust me.
But all that set aside, I'm at a loss for words, which is rare. There are many feelings that I have, but extreme gratitude trumps them all. There is a beautiful peace that just bubbles up inside my soul when I think of opening that big white envelope, and becoming a full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the next 18 months of my life.
When I recently told someone I would be serving for 18 months, in a place unknown to me yet, anywhere in the world, with no vacations home, phone calls home (except on Christmas and Mothers Day), that I am not getting paid in monetary value, I will not be sleeping in, watching TV, or Instagraming - yes, even Instagram is off limits for me. I will be with people I probably will have not known previously and I could be serving in a place that requires me to learn a foreign language, I could be biking, driving, or walking, and I wasn't sure when I'd be leaving - they kind of just looked at me in shock and disbelief, like I was giving up everything. You know, in some ways I am, and I already have. But eighteen months is nothing. When I think of Christ's Atonement, when I think of His infinite love, blessings, guidance, and forgiveness, I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with thinking that my eighteen months is a small sacrifice, a fraction, compared to infinity.
When I said serving a mission was never in "my plan" I truly mean that. It was never something I could see myself doing. I let fear and my self doubt rule over my potential, and I let my selfishness get in the way of selflessness. You know what? In the mix of it all, God placed person after person after person who would influence me, and change my life for the absolute best. Those friends, those fleeting acquaintances even, they were tools in His hands, to show me, to believe in me, to help me, to quietly lead lives rich in examples of exact obedience. I thank Him everyday for those people, because most of them didn't even know that they impacted my life to the magnitude that they did.
For this next bit I'm not writing to draw attention, I'm writing here because I know there are people who probably feel the way I did, and I want to leave you with something that changed my life, "You'll never regret going, but you always could regret not going"
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I never wanted to look back on this time in my life and regret passing up one of the greatest opportunities before me. I didn't want my past, my doubts, anything like that to hold me back - and unfortunately for a very long time it did. I was a slave to my past. I've been in that place, that place of unknowing, unsure if God is really listening when I'm praying. I've been that person, too proud to pray, too proud to be even honest with myself when I was seeking help and guidance. My trials saved me, my trials forced me on my knees, and those hard times, they became harder until I allowed the pressure to refine me, until I was finally able to look myself in the mirror and hand myself a tall glass of honesty to drink. I have found true happiness in the midst of those hard times, because true happiness comes from the knowledge of God's individual love for me, and it comes from recognizing our worth, our potential, and the burden lifted when we repent. Our futures are as bright as our faith and we can in fact do all things through Christ.
His love is infinite.
His love is pure.
His love is constant, and above it all, His love is perfect and patient.
I cannot think of a better thing, than to serve a mission for 18 months. It will be hard, it will test me in ways I have not been tested, but it will also require that I rely completely on my Savior. I get to teach people for 18 months that families can be together forever, that we can overcome, repent, and be forgiven of our sins because of the magnificence of the Atonement, because of the sacrifice of my Savior and Redeemer. I am merely a tool in His hands, it does not matter where I go, but who I am going for, what people I will meet, and who I will be able to share this message of hope with.
My heart is so full, and I feel so incredibly blessed.