THIS SIDE OF PARADISE

There's that word I can't stand, vulnerable.
But I am, there's no use in denying it. I'm trying and terribly so, with much effort to carefully allow my walls down, slowly and gently. I'm second guessing writing this next bit, possibly because I'm half wishing you won't stumble onto it in curiosity, and half wishing you would.
The walls that are up are guarding my heart, and protecting it's broken bits that are still healing.
But once my heart is yours, so are these walls.
I will let you in. Inch by inch, brick by brick, I will remove my uncertainty, my doubt, my distance.
I am beginning to fall in love with taking life one day at a time.
I fell in love with the spaces in between, the silences of pondering on what to say next, yet never running out of things to say or to feel. It was like in that moment of silence, my whole life was a beautiful piece of literature, and I, patiently read each word with hope, and yearning for the next page; never rushing it along. Because once it's over, it's over. And sure you can revisit some of your favorite pages, you can re-read the lines of your favorite memory, but it will never be the same. The innocence of experiencing that moment for the first time will never be there again. So with him, or with you if you happen to be reading, I'm taking it slow, I'm going to be guarded, because why would I want to rush some of my favorite chapters that take place on this side of paradise?